February 2013

Willie Nelson & Family start and end every European tour in Amsterdam, for reasons that shouldn’t be hard too to guess. I got to hang out with them for a few days on one of those tours, and that’s how I made an acquaintance that significantly upped my street cred with my kids and their friends: I met and had my picture taken with the one and only Snoop Dogg – or Snoop Lion, as he’s now known. It happened like this.

At the same time I was in Germany for a family function, Willie Nelson & Family were headed to Europe for a five-week tour that would take them through Holland, the UK, Ireland, Scotland, Norway, Sweden, Germany, Austria, Switzerland and France. When it comes to touring, they don’t mess around.

Two of Willies granddaughters were planning on meeting The Family in Amsterdam for the first weekend of the tour and had to change planes in Frankfurt en route from Austin. I was already in Frankfurt. It didn’t take long to hatch a plan to continue on together, and that’s just what we did.

When we arrived at the Amsterdam Marriott, Willie and the rest of The Family, who had arrived a couple of days earlier, were already settled in. The Marriott is located on a busy square in the center of Amsterdam. As soon as we’d checked in and unpacked our suitcases, we were ready to get in on the action.

‘Meet us at the Bull Dog’, we’d been told. The Bull Dog is one of Amsterdam’s famous coffee shops, located on a canal in the Red Light District within walking distance of the Marriott. But when we arrived at the spacious upper floor restaurant, there were no familiar faces. Had we missed them? A crowd of boisterous Texans is hard to miss. Had they already moved on to another establishment without letting us know?

Back on the street, we noticed some small steps leading to a crowded cellar that was apparently also part of the Bull Dog. It ran deep into the building, and a long bar stretched along the entire right side of the room. But there were no familiar faces there either. The greeter, a young Dutch woman, must have noticed that we were looking for someone. We were about to turn back and leave when, to our amazement, she asked

“Willie?”

I’ve never quite figured out how she immediately made the connection, but I was certainly glad that she did.

We nodded and she motioned us deep into the back, where the room took an L-shaped turn into a small cubicle that wasn’t visible from the street. It was separated from the rest of the room by iron bars and looked exactly like a prison cell, and sitting in that prison cell, enveloped in a cloud of smoke, were the usual suspects.

There were hellos and hugs, drinks were ordered and cigarettes were passed around and plans were made. Us girls wanted to get some sightseeing in the next day, and we certainly did.

We visited the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh museum, took a boat ride on the picturesque canals, browsed the flea market, marveled over the abundance of tulip stands and enjoyed an opulent Indonesian rice table for lunch. And there was also a visit to the Torture Museum, which made me glad that I was born in a different century. But the best was yet to come.

After returning to the hotel that afternoon, Lana asked rather casually,

“So, you wanna go up and say Hello to dad?”

What a question. Of course we did! And so she trotted us up to the penthouse floor, where Willie occupied the VIP suite. It consisted of a spacious salon that offered a panoramic view over the red roofs of Amsterdam, and an adjoining bedroom.

A huge round conference table dominated the center of the salon. We let out a collective inaudible gasp when we saw who was sitting at that conference table with Willie. It was none other than the one and only Snoop Dogg!

Three of the biggest black body guards I have ever laid eyes on were strategically placed around the table, a thick cloud of smoke hung in the air, and Willie and Snoop Dogg were involved in a serious exchange. 

At the prompting of Willie’s road manager, we tiptoed around them and made our way to a huge couch in the back of the room, where we immediately started giggling, elbowing each other, texting, and wondering if it was okay to take pictures. 

We were sharing the huge sofa with a pretty African American woman in her Thirties who volunteered that she was Snoop’s hairdresser and always traveled with him. She’d obviously done a good job that day because Snoop sported impeccable cornrows. 

Willie and Snoop were deeply engaged in conversation. Actually, Willie was talking and Snoop was listening. Willie was telling Snoop a joke, and Snoop was slumped back in his chair, his eyes fixed intently on Willie, following along his every move. Willie appeared to be demonstrating a card trick. He loves jokes, card tricks and dominoes. 

I was so excited that the grist of the conversation escaped me, but Willie was gesticulating with the cards. He mixed them, cut them, mixed them again, held them up, cut them again, and all the while explaining to Snoop,

“And then you do this, and then this, and then this … “

Finally he built up to the climax, set down the cards on the table with flourish open-faced and in two piles, and ended with

“… and then you have THIS!”

Snoop was still intently staring at the cards. He never moved or blinked but he was obviously impressed with Willie’s card trick because he murmured through his teeth, in a barely audible voice,

“That’s some serious shit, man!”

Then Snoop’s people motioned that it was time to go, for everyone. There were three limos waiting downstairs to take them – and us, as it turned out – to the Gray Area. I had no clue what the Gray Area was and figured it was some location or courtyard in Amsterdam.

Turns out that it was another coffee shop, and a very famous one at that. And Willie and Snoop were headed there to film a video to commemorate the day’s date: It happened to be April 20^th, or “4-20 day”, as it is known in stoner’s circles. 

Given Willie and Snoop’s unapologetic and unwavering allegiance to weed, it was a no brainer for them to film a video in Amsterdam on “4-20 Day.” Because 4-20, in case you didn’t know, is the Texas law enforcement call sign for marihuana offenses and therefore a celebrated holiday for everyone with a passion for pot.

We were in the last limo and by the time we got to the Gray Area, it was crowded with spectators, film crews, handlers and hangers on, and we couldn’t get in. No matter – there was a delicious chocolate shop right across the street and we got an early start on our souvenir shopping before heading to Willie’s show at the Melkweg that night.

The Melkweg is a great venue; it’s an older folksy theater in the center of Amsterdam with a huge stage and great acoustics. The show was sold out and Willie was already in the middle of his standard opening number, “Whiskey River”, when I secured a prime spot for myself backstage: Onstage but hidden by the huge curtains that separate the sides of the stage from center stage.

I was so wrapped up in the show that I became oblivious to everything going on around me. When I finally looked up after a while, my heart skipped a beat because standing right next to me, within reach, literally thisclose, was … SNOOP DOGG!

At 6’4”, he literally towered over me, and he cut an impressive figure, indeed. He was completely decked out in country style: jeans, a vintage tan suede Western fringed jacket, white shirt with silver collar tips, a silver bolo tie, and – of course – Willie’s signature red bandanna, tied neatly around his neck.

Willie was already into “Momma’s don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys” and I was utterly impressed that Snoop was singing along and apparently knew the complete lyrics to the song!

By then, my friend Cindy had arrived backstage, obviously fortified by more than one Bud Light. When she spied Snoop Dogg, she announced “I’m gonna get a picture.”  I wouldn’t have dared to ask, but Cindy had already befriended some of Snoop’s gigantic bodyguards backstage, and when she asked them to take our pictures, they made it happen.

Snoop, consummate pro that he is, leaned into me, put his right arm around my shoulders, flashed a grin, and gave the victory sign with his left hand. I was staring straight into the camera, secretly praying ‘please don’t let this turn out to be one of those shots where I look exceedingly stupid’. 

The whole thing was over in a few seconds, and while Snoop got ready to grab his baguette-sized microphone adorned with the diamond-encrusted letters “Snoop Dogg” to join Willie onstage for the song “Superman”, I was still pinching myself whether this had really happened.

While Willie and Snoop were singing and rapping together on stage (Willie’s “Too many pills and too much pot, tryin’ to be somebodyg that I’m not – I’m not Superman” and Snoop’s ‘I need money for my medicine’) I was already texting my kids back in the States that yes, I just had my pic taken with Snoop Dogg. And they texted their friends and everyone texted back “send it.”

That, however, proved to be much more problematic than taking the pic. That’s because the pic was on Cindy’s camera, and Cindy is from Norfolk. And while we were frolicking in Amsterdam, a tornado had hit Norfolk and caused havoc in Cindy’s house. And the USB cable for her camera to download the pictures was buried somewhere in the debris. In the meantime, my kids and their friends were probing about the Snoop Dogg pictures. While I was stammering excuses, they were jokingly insinuating that I had made the whole story up, which made me feel pretty shitfaced.

But then the old Willie karma kicked in. After about three weeks or so, Cindy recovered the USB cable from a pile of rubble outside her house, uploaded the pic and sent it to me. It’s been my Facebook profile picture ever since. 

I regularly comments like, “Isn’t that … ? “ or “Is that really …?” or “How did you …?“.  Now you know.